People don’t want marriage because they have lost touch with our spouse; really the bond that was there has been broken. We can’t do that if we are ignoring our partner. If our marriage is marriage less or we are having marriage occasionally it is time to bring romance back into the bedroom. We always criticize our spouse. We disapprove of our spouse because we charge them for the disarray of the marriage. In effect we are living in our partner’s mistakes. No doubt we frequently condemn them.

We are too associated to the mistakes of our partner, and so disconnected from the relationship of marriage! We compare our partner to others and we think our partner never measures up. Comparing is wrong. Don’t compare our partner to other people. We try to change our partner and it doesn’t work. Marriage needs attention. If my partner has been nice to me this week, I will give them a present, but if they we’re naughty, just forget it. May be tomorrow, if we’re nicer to me.” This conditional marriage-love dilemma in marriage is all about learning to give of our self even when we don’t want to. Couples love selfishly because they do not have the knowledge to love properly. They love the way they have been taught to love. What is love? Lust is a marriage, while love is not. Love sometimes takes years to develop. Bottom line, love is a development of ones self through the growing process, and then learning to practice that love to those who are important to you. It is a continual growing process that we learn to develop with time.

To give is to love, and to love is to give. Giving can only come from a heart and mind that is free of selfish precedents and self-seeking based love. Without God’s support in the marriage, couples are essentially utilizing their self-seeking love in the marriage, which in the long run cannot sustain a healthy and productive marriage.

If we are living in sin, then we do not love our self. Resent-filled hearts cannot love, it is impossible. Surrendering our guilt, resentment, angry feelings, and sin to God will free us from behaving selfishly and rebelliously toward our partner in the marriage. If WE our in need of life, we certainly cannot give life to another.